Ideally, soon after marriage each married couple lives in
their own home and is separated from their respective parents. The early years
of the wedding will be a time for you to explore each other more deeply about
your spouse's personality, and make the necessary adjustments. By living in a
separate home from your parents, you will learn to live your family life
independently and feel more free to manage your family life without being
overshadowed by the intervention of others.
Unfortunately, not all couples can achieve ideal conditions
like this. Certain circumstances such as the financial condition, family
circumstances and the health of a parent's parents, or other circumstances
sometimes require you to live in the same house with your parents or your
spouse's parents once you are married.
Staying with one partner's parents and building good
relationships with them can sometimes be a difficult challenge in married life.
The relationship between a daughter-in-law with her husband's parents or vice
versa between a son-in-law and his wife's parents needs to be addressed
correctly. Parental interference from one party is the most commonly regarded
as the cause of disharmony of this relationship. Even though you do not live in
the same house with your partner's parents, this kind of relationship tension
can be experienced.
Regardless of the circumstances or causes, we can build the
right attitude so that our relationship with our spouse's parents is well
preserved. Here are some suggestions you can apply:
-Respect
Show a respectful attitude to your partner's parents. Pay
attention and treat them like your own parents. Take care of your attitude and
nature so as not to create a bad impression in their view of you.
-Understanding
Accept with understanding things that may be less pleasing
in your heart. In some ways you may feel uncomfortable, but understand that the
inconvenience occurs naturally because of differences in the household culture
between your family and your spouse's family. You need to do a little
customization.
If there are things that come from the wisdom of your
spouse's parents who are not in line with your views, realize that they do not
grow and raise your contemporaries. Their life experiences differ greatly from
your experience. Their life experiences have generated certain beliefs within
them, and some of them, such as how to care for children or other things, may
not be in keeping with your idealism, so be it. Especially when your partner's
parents are elderly, their sensitivity and sensitivity are not as good as you.
Use your feelings to understand them. Remember that one day you will become
parents like them.
For things related to children, have an understanding that
grandparents usually want to show affection and greater attention to their
grandchildren by spoiling them. Let your children have closeness with their
grandparents. Do not keep them away.
-Positive impression
As parents, of course they care degan the welfare of their
child that is your partner. They have sacrificed many things to nurture and
raise them. Therefore there may be gentle and covert emotions that they have
against their child. Such emotions can be a sense of loss of attention or other
concerns when there is now someone else who has become the center of attention
in their child's life that is you and your children.
If you are a son-in-law, show that you are a good,
responsible, and reliable husband as a protector for their daughter. On the
contrary if you are a daughter-in-law, show that you are a good, trustworthy,
affectionate and caring woman for their son. Also show that you love them too.
This can help reduce such concerns.
-Communication
Wherever possible build an open communication pattern
between you and your partner's parents. To dampen the possibility of
misunderstanding express your opinions clearly and politely. Try to explore the
things that concern them. Actively seek advice and advice from them, learn from
their experience and wisdom. This will help them to feel more appreciated.
-Adjustment to tradition
If your marriage is an intercultural marriage, honor the
traditions and customs of your spouse's family. For some parents, adaptation to
customs is important. Cultivating other cultures can be exciting.
In addition to the five things described above, of course
there are many other positive attitudes that you can develop yourself to
maintain the harmony of your relationship with your partner's parents. Good
relationship with your partner's parents and your own parents will have an
impact on the psychological growth of your children. Give them good examples to
imitate. Make peace with your in-laws.
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